Boobies in the newsies

We may have come a long way, baby, but hardly far enough, especially when ABC News figures that our figures - or specifically, breasts - are the most newsworthy items about women. As Miranda Spencer at WIMN's Voices points out, if the news has to focus on breasts, why not feature that "Scientists Have Found Four New Breast Cancer Genes" - you know, something that is actually newsworthy

Instead we get a farcical feature story quoting Elisabeth Squires, author of Boobs: A Guide to Your Girls, who offers "sage" advice like this: "We have to remember that while more women are showing more cleavage, you really have to use your breast power responsibly." This, followed by: "The appearance of breasts can help a woman in the workplace." And for the scientific validation: "A recent study showed men photos of women in a workplace with large breasts showing cleavage, medium breasts and small breasts. When asked about who looked most professional and personable, the men chose the women with medium-sized breasts." (Gee, and here I thought it was a woman's skills that actually got measured in the workplace. Hmm, live and learn. By the way, who funded this "study?")

More "newsworthy" advice from Ms. Squires:

"You don't have to be flat-chested to be taken seriously. You just have to be proportionate. For women who are small busted, that may mean a little padding. For well-endowed women, that may mean a minimizer."

And when going to a family function: "This is not the time to show off your girls. Your children should not have to compete with your cleavage for attention." ('Cause you don't want Cousin Joe ignoring little Billy because he's too busy saluting your girls.)

And since pregnancy is such a fun time: "During pregnancy you should celebrate your breasts. For some women, that's the only time they have cleavage. Obviously you don't want to go nuts. But cleavage on a pregnant woman is just different -- live it up a bit."

So you older women don't feel left out: "If a woman of a certain age squeezes her girls together, she'll get the wrinkled, crepelike look. That's not good. But if you're older and you wear a scoop neck and you have beautiful, what the French call decollete, that's great."

Just goes to show that "boobs" are not only "accessories" on a woman's chest; they're too often editorial managers in newsrooms, as well. Like the one who gave the greenlight to this story.

And for the record, the pic above is featured at ABC News - you know - your primary source of serious, up-to-the minute, ground-breaking (and non-sexist) journalism. [Note to self: enter "snark" here.]