Monday, November 28, 2005

"Cow-tipping" (the legendary prank of sneaking up on a dozing cow and pushing her over) was exposed as a near-impossibility by researchers at the University of British Columbia, according to a November report in The Times of London. Calculating the newtons of force required to topple an average cow (estimating the angles between left hooves, right hooves and the point of push; and the resistance of the cow to downward pressure), Dr. Margo Lillie found that two people could exert the required force only if the cow made no reaction at all to the initial touch, but that more than likely, a successful tipping would require at least five people. [The Times (London), 11-5-05] (For those of you who really wanted to know the logistics of cow-tipping)

Police in Memphis, Tenn., reported in October that they had closed down a crack house on Rosamond Street, a task made easier because the resident usually announced the start of business hours by hanging out a sign reading, "Crack House." (Gotta love the shingled crack house...)

Christina Goodenow, 38, of Medford, Ore., was arrested in October for using a stolen credit card, but a conviction would be especially disastrous for her since she just won $1 million in the lottery with a $1 ticket she bought with the credit card (thus voiding the ticket). [St. Petersburg Times, 10-26-05] [WREG-TV (Memphis), 10-16-05] [CNN-AP, 10-28-05] (Bad luck? Justice?)

Prominent Spanish entertainer Juan Manuel Fernandez Montoya ("Farruquito"), 23, was married in Seville in September to a teenage bride in a televised ceremony that included, for the cameras, the so-called Gypsy custom of the "test of the handkerchief," in which the bride's friends use the garment to ascertain whether the "three drops of blood" (said to be present in a virgin) will appear. (Mrs. Fernandez Montoya evidently passed, but women's organizations in Spain were outraged.) [Daily Telegraph (London), 9-28-05] (Wonder what would have happened had there only been two drops?)

In November, a jury in Westmoreland County, Pa., awarded Ken Slaby $46,200 for genital injuries inflicted by his vengeful ex-girlfriend, Gail O'Toole, in 2000. While Slaby was napping (according to a report in the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review), O'Toole had glued Slaby's buttocks cheeks together, his penis to his abdomen, and his scrotum to his leg, all as payback for his having moved on with his life after their breakup. (O'Toole said it was all part of consensual sex between them, but she had earlier pleaded guilty to simple assault for the incident.) [Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, 11-5-05] (Ouch!)

In a September road-rage incident in Salt Lake City, a woman sped by in a blocked-off lane to get around a 25-year-old motorist on Interstate 15, then rolled down her window and screamed at him. The man, according to a report in the Deseret Morning News, made an "obscene hand gesture." The woman then pulled out a .357-caliber revolver, shot off the tip of his middle finger, and sped away, outdistancing the man but later crashing into a barricade. (Another ouch!)