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Monday, December 12, 2005

I want my money back!

Salon's Broadsheet provides some illustrations (reprinted courtesy of Harper) how Bush's $167 million abstinence initiative is being used in schools. The sheer stupidity of these "lessons" confounds the brain:

First, a parable:

"Deep inside every man is a knight in shining armor, ready to rescue a maiden and slay a dragon. When a man feels trusted, he is free to be the strong, protecting man he longs to be.

"Imagine a knight traveling through the countryside. He hears a princess in distress and rushes gallantly to slay the dragon. The princess calls out, 'I think this noose will work better!' and throws him a rope. As she tells him how to use the noose, the knight obliges her and kills the dragon. Everyone is happy, except the knight, who doesn't feel like a hero. He is depressed and feels unsure of himself. He would have preferred to use his own sword.

"The knight goes on another trip. The princess reminds him to take the noose. The knight hears another maiden in distress. He remembers how he used to feel before he met the princess; with a surge of confidence, he slays the dragon with his sword. All the townspeople rejoice, and the knight is a hero. He never returned to the princess. Instead, he lived happily ever after in the village, and eventually married the maiden -- but only after making sure she knew nothing about nooses.

"Moral of the story: Occasional assistance may be all right, but too much will lessen a man's confidence or even turn him away from his princess."

Then there's this sharp insight into the gender divide:

"5 Major Needs of Women: Affection, Conversation, Honesty and Openness, Financial Support, Family Commitment

"5 Major Needs of Men: Sexual Fulfillment, Recreational Companionship, Physical Attractiveness, Admiration, Domestic Support

And some thoughts on procreation:

"At conception, the baby comes into being. About the sixth to tenth day after conception, when the baby is no bigger than this dot (.), the baby snuggles into the soft nest in the lining of the mother's uterus."

It is then, when the baby has gotten all comfy, with the remote and a steaming mug of cocoa, that he or she leans back into the down comforter of the womb and considers whether to become a person who will seek out "affection" or "admiration," "financial support" or "domestic support," "conversation" or "a great rack."

$167 million to teach women how not to outsmart men lest their teensy weensy liddle feelings be hurt? (Explains why no one can naysay any of the administration dickheads..uhm, I'm sorry..."white knights"; obviously, their precious egos would be quashed if someone said "Hey, you're wrong! Try it this way instead!") And it's always good to know that real men aren't men lest they pursue sexual fulfillment above all else. Let's not even consider a woman's intelligence, character, sense of humor, vitality...long as she can fulfill his sexual and domestic needs and is attractive to boot... Yeah, this is a wonderful lesson to teach developing minds - all to the tune of $167 million.

As a taxpayer, I demand my money back. Thank you.

Sharon Cullars Coffee Talk at 12/12/2005 08:08:00 AM Permanent Link     | | Home


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